Fatherhood

Parenting Your First Child. Part Two.

For the parents, first child becomes heart of the universe and everything else loses its importance. All your thoughts are busy with baby and all your actions are directed on making his life fantastic and careless.

Certainly,, it is great, but do not try to turn closes only on baby. Remember, that one day he will leave you to build his personal life and you will remain with your partner for a long time.

Do not ignore your partner, do not sacrifice romance in order to dedicate all your time only to baby. Remember about importance of your relationship. Your life will never be the same as it was before childbirth, however, it must not be a justification for ignoring your sexual relations.

With birth of long-expected first child, most parents become crazy from happiness and huge love towards baby. Father with his camera follows his child trying to shot each baby's smile and each motion, or for example, his first spoon of mash, etc. That is a perfect tradition. When baby will grow up, you will watch those photos together and recall wonderful years. Curiously, but there exists a problem here.

As a rule, with appearing of second and third children, parents lose their enthusiasm for shooting everything connected with baby. One day children will grow up, and they may take offense at you because one child has more photos than the other. Therefore, if you in future plan to have one more baby, try to give him the same attention as to the first child.

Children grow up very rapidly, they move, get dirty, break their toys and perish their cloths. Some relatives and friends suggest to give you toys, shoes and cloths from which their children have grown up. Often young parents refuse from it as they think their children should have everything new and expensive. However, do not refuse from their help because childish clothing even used one, looks like a new one.

Parenting Your First Child. Part One.

Newborn brings a lot of happiness in each family, however, with joy come troubles which lead young parents to stress and depression. It is reasonable that young parents make mistakes as they have no experience with babies yet.

When you say to your relatives and friends about coming addition to your family, they begin to give you many tips about parenting. Your sweet grandmother starts attack you with her better tips about childbirth and parenting. You get so many tips and often they are so dark-minded that you involuntary start thinking about what right they have to poke their nose into other family's business 

You are sure that you better know how to grow your child and you don't need instructions, therefore, you build an invisible wall between you and your advisers and stop listening to them.

However, there is no need to be so categoric. At the beginning you don't imagine how your life will change after childbirth, therefore it would be better to listen to tips you hear because probably you will really need  another people's experience.  In case you will not need it, no one will make you follow all the recommendations you hear.

On the one hand, trouble is a perfect drive for young parents. For example, it would give you more vigor and attention concentration, even when you slept only two hours in the night. However, between healthy lookout and obsession runs a quite fine line.

A particular degree of lookout is useful, but you should not drive it to extremes. How often young mothers get up at night to check if the baby is ok? Believe it or not, children are much less fanciful than  you think.

Offer yourself an opportunity to relax and have a rest. Your baby will let you know when he would feel himself uncomfortable. Overanxiety will bring you to breakdown.

Remember that your baby needs cheerful and rested parents and, in return, you will get more pleasure from communicating with your baby. However, if you feel some doubts, you should consult experienced parents or your paediatrician.

Late Talking Children

When parents understand that in due time their child doesn't start talking, they begin to worry. Parents start thinking that their kid develops slowly or is diseased.

Try to be calm and sort out the situation. Ask your parents in what age you and other members of your family began to talk. Probably, the cause is genetics and your kid doesn't talk because someone in your family uttered first words too late..

Alternatively, if children lack communication and no one talks with them, speech habits are not developed. Another cause may be permanent quarrels which have negative effects on children, as a result children retire into their shell and just don't want to talk.

Today there exists an opinion that modern children are overloaded with information – TV, computer, cell phone often represent a barrier. Aftermost, the cause may be a disease.

See the doctor
In any case when you worry about child's behavior and health you should go to the doctor. You may have different ideas but only doctor will answer to all your questions. Talk to your doctor.

As a rule, up to 2,5 years old it is normally not to talk, but in three years old doctor may diagnose “development delay” in a child and prescribe suitable treatment. Listen attentively to the doctor and follow all his recommendations.

Comparison
No matter how optimistic you are, certainly you want to hear long expected words from your kid as quickly as possible. Most likely, your friends would tell you about their children who recite poems and  say entire sentences while your child keeps silent. Parents love to make boast of their kids and some would tell you this to hurt you or to make you jealous. Do not give attention to that and do not compare your child with others.

Each child is unique. In fact, psychologists say that late talking children often are much clever than their peers. Child who started talking at four years may utter entire sentences at once. Remember that your child is most clever child in the world. One day he will start talking, for sure.

What should you do?
Child psychologists would answer to this question. However, you may continue to go about your child development. Talk to him, comment each your action, show him different objects, name and describe them. Do not demand from him immediate repetition of your words – all of them are kept in his subcortex and one day he will say everything you told him before.

Try to play finger puppet theater as this game helps greatly to develop speech habits. Refuse from watching TV along with your kid, replace TV with reading books. On no account cry at your kid as this never leads to something good. It would be interesting to him to copy sounds that you utter. Do not abandon him and show all your love to him, because this is the best way towards happy and adequate child's development.

Help Your Kids Develop Art Appreciation. Part Two.

Explore painting
Show picturesque sceneries, colorful still-life, noble portraits by famous painters to your baby. Watching on them baby would get right understanding of beauty, color combinations and splendor of the world. Paintings render vivid emotions and even kids feel it.

Start with postcards or cards with famous paintings which have on their back side artist's name and painting title. Choose time when kid is in high spirits and satiated, and show him cards clearly pronouncing  their titles and painters. During a week show him some same cards and step by step add other new ones. 

Stop showing when you see that kid lost his interest and looks another way. Give such lessons several times a day – at home and in park. Baby would enjoy varied vivid pictures and gradually he would memorize them.

Exploring painting would enjoy you and besides this it helps you broaden horizons. When child would grow up a little, you may go together to the museum or art gallery. Your baby lying comfortably in a walking carriage would examine with delight painting masterpieces and recognize them.

Kids over one year may start learning to draw – let him perform at home or you may send him at painting courses for kids. Probably he would never become Rafael or Monet but he would have perfect imagination and excellent perception of painting.

Read
Reading is another interesting way to develop his imagination and promote love for beauty. You may start reading to your child since three months old. He will listen attentively to you and examine books with interest. Buy several books for kids with fairy tales. Sit down with your baby comfortably on a sofa, open the book and start reading expressively, show him pictures and explain who is painted on them.

The more you read to your baby, the sooner he acquires speech habits. Positive emotions wrap your baby from the earliest age and he starts to understand what love is. Besides this, well written fairy tales with beautiful tokens do develop intellect and child would have nice taste in literature.

Help Your Kids Develop Art Appreciation. Part One.

It is likely that each of us when looks at his child thinks about his future adult life and profession. We all wish him to have a beautiful and happy life.

Therefore we try to give useful attains and best education to our future spacemen, artists, lawyers.

Few parents think about the necessity of developing love for beautiful music and art, besides the education. It is necessary to start lessons of art from very early childhood – from three years old! Let us see the ways of developing interest in art. Let's see what should you do.

Listen to the music
Music has a profound effect over child emotions. Each parent knows that a soft and gentle lullaby is able to calm down a crying baby, and a merry song would cheer him up. Wordless music, especially classical one, also has great effects over baby. Classical music has a complicated structure and baby is able to recognize it from three months old.

This music has positive effects on children, it helps to educate the ear and develops fine musical taste. Child learns to listen, to feel and to reason. Besides this, music is a perfect calming remedy for fidgety kid. Try to set such classical pieces as operatic arias of Puccini or waltzes of Chopin.

Songs performed by Andrea Bocelli or Frank Sinatra have also positive effects on children, they rejoice them and children start to clap their hands. As a rule, children who listen to beautiful music since birth do develop better. Set much often beautiful music and soon you will notice that your child has got a favorite one.

Sing together
Do not forget to sing your baby lovely songs. Sing not only nursery rhymes but try to sing some classical songs. You will see that your baby listens to you very attentively when you sing. In this manner your voice helps him to master skills in speaking much quicker.

Play an instrument
Play on an instrument when child is behind you. It only seems that he does not understand anything, but in fact in his mind appear figurative images when he listens to beautiful music, and this has very positive effects on his world-view and it helps to develop true taste.

To be continued.

Parental Censure

It should seem that just a while ago your baby uttered long expected first word. However, in several years his lexicon has significantly expanded and you observed it contains some unchildish words.

Certainly, invectives spoken by baby humble parents – how came he to know them? Who is to blame that he started using bad language and how to dishabituate him of it?

At 2 – 5 years old child starts using bad language unwittingly and he does not know the meaning of words he uses. Baby just repeats invectives after somebody and often the “teachers” are adults themselves. In quarrels parents not always control their words which are inappropriate in child's presence. In return, he repeats after you as he thinks bad language is best way to express his emotions.

Another source of bad language may be kinder-garden or his friends. Peers in the same way repeat after adults bad words. Forbiddenness makes these words more “attractive” -  children over five years already understand that it is not allowed to damn and thus they do it from spite. This is a kind of riot against common moral standards and rules, therefore it is difficult to fight with this behavior. Teenagers use bad language as they think they look more older than their peers. In quarrels with friends child uses bad words to hide his weakness.

How to dishabituate child from invectives?
Foremost, you should control yourself and your words, exclude “bad” ones which child may hear and remember. Replace invectives with other more appropriate words.

Certainly it is impossible to completely isolate child from bad language - on the street, at kinder-garden or at school he will hear it for sure. However, when you do not use them at home, this shows him that such words are not accepted in your family and thus you will create favorable atmosphere at home.

If you never use invectives at home but you hear them from your child, then source of bad language  are his peers. In this case you should abstain from negative comments about his friends because it would only aggravate the situation.

Secondly, it would never do to pretend that you did not hear invectives because child may say them again. He may think that you allow him say invectives if you say nothing. Do not question him who taught him bad words as with this you draw his attention on damns.

When you hear bad words for the first time from your child try to react gently, without emotions, do not hurry to scold and punish him. Try to explain him gently that these are bad words and it would never do to use them. If the case repeats again, you may leave him without computer games or TV for a  particular period of time.

Flying with Kids

It is not a secret that different children react differently to flyings. Challenge of flying with a kid brings most parents in shivers as many children react negatively to noises, big crowds of people, pressure differences. Therefore, parents try to avoid flyings with airplanes.

However, often airplane is most suitable mean of traveling with your kid. Check below major tips how to make flying with kids more comfortable for your family.

1.  Choose convenient time
Try to avoid long plane flights as they are exhausting not only for adults but for children too. Two – four hours is most optimal time for flying with kids. Take into consideration sleeping time of your child when you plan your flight. If departure time coincides with his sleeping time, then he may sleep during the whole flight.

2. Check in preliminarily
Try to arrive in airport in plenty of time or check in online. This will prevent you from waiting lines and possibly you would get comfortable seats behind business class.

3. Take toys on the board
Take favorite toy of your child and buy several new ones. During flight he will play with them and feel himself comfortable. By the way, many air companies make little gifts for small travelers such as plush toys or interesting table games for the whole family.

4. Watch cartoons
Take portable DVD-player with you on the board, charge its batteries before the flight and choose several cartoons for your kid. Watching cartoons would entertain your kid and cheer him up. Possibly, on the board there would be opportunity to take DVD-player on lease.

5. Create comfort conditions for your child
Remember that even in hot day there would be quite coolly in the plane, therefore take warm cloths on the board or ask stewardess to bring you a rug.  Do not forget to take alternative cloths as child may get dirty. Even during 2-hour flight he may get tired to stay at one place, therefore as soon as appears occasion  have a little walk on the board. Thumb through magazines and show him pictures. To more adult children you may tell something about airplanes.

6. Take care of child nutrition
Take on the board hash with you or preliminarily order special nutrition for your kid which will be served on the board. Do not forget about water, give children water to drink at the time of takeoff and landing as swallowing movements help to avoid ear pains. It would be better to take his favorite biscuits and candies with you. You may take water and food as many as you need - airport workers permit to do it. However, they may ask to taste them in order to exclude transportability of forbidden substances.

7. Do not forget medicines
Take with you all necessary medicines, especially those from vomit, pains in abdomen and ear pains. First consult your doctor, he will help you make a list of necessary medicines.

8. Keep calm and be in high spirits
Play and talk to your child. Keep calm and talk about your further holiday. Kids feel everything, therefore it is important for them to see their parents confident and in high spirits.

Children and Divorce

Parent's divorce is great stress, sadness and mess for a child regardless of his age. Tips below  would help you make child suffer less in this difficult family situation.

Sometimes parents are so much dip into their problems that do not think about their child's sufferings.

Child experiences feelings of incertitude, anger and fear as he cannot imagine parents living apart. At the time of divorce it is very important to pay greater attention to your children and take care of them.

Tell children first about divorce
After you took the decision of divorce, tell it at once to your child. Do not tell him it late. Your child will need plenty of time to go with this thought and he must get used to the changes. Both parents should be presented during this talk.

Take control of yourself
If the divorce was initiated by your spouse and you are overflowed with negative emotions towards him, try not to project them on your child. Never tell him how bad your wife/husband is. Remember that child experiences more stress than you do. He loves both parents equally and would miss one parent. Child is not able to understand that his mother/father was wrong. In this situation child would rather blame you that you hate your wife/husband and it is you who provoked his leave.

Make an agreement with friends and relatives
Convoke family council and work a common strategy of behavior with your child. Explain grandmas that they must not blame parents in happened and never tell the details of their relationship. Father should never offend former wife in children presence. You will always remain family for your child. It is important that relatives keep in touch with child same way as it was before divorce. Never prevent your child from walks with former relatives and never refuse from their presence on family holidays. Never sort out your relationship in child's presence as it would be painful for him to watch your conflict.

Explain your child the situation
Choose the appropriate moment and talk to your children. Tell that there is no child's guilt in parent's divorce. Tell him that parents do still love him and want to take care of him as before. Tell that sometimes people should live apart in order to be happy. Tell that he would visit father/mother and spend time as before. Never sidetrack the issue “why did it happen” and do not go into details, there is no point in that.

Be ready to any reaction of your child
Some children cry and get angry, others are happy that finally tension in their family ended. Younger children may require your special involvement. Child may shrink into himself. Spend more time together and tell him more frequently how much you love him. Unfortunately, some children take divorce so close to their heart that start suffering from cardio-vascular diseases.

Let your child tell his opinion
Listen attentively to your child and let him say what he thinks. Probably his thoughts would seem to you stupid and some phrases would offend you. Do not hurry to get angry. He experiences stress now and releases his emotions. Help him express his feelings when he wants it.

Do not rush things
Try to mark time and do not bring home another lover. This would make child jealous and make him feel useless.

Posture Correction In Children

Most parents often abuse their children for posture saying it looks like a question mark. Straight and correct posture in children is uncommon, but curvature of the spine is main reason of going to childish orthopaedist.

Bad posture spoils not only appearance but may cause different illnesses. It is necessary to take care of posture from childhood.

Formation of spine starts in the first days of fetus development and lasts until 20 – 22 years old. Until 5 – 6 month of pregnancy the spine grows rapidly – about 2 – 3 cm each week. However, starting from third trimester pace slows down and spine continues to grow just by half centimeter. During antenatal period and first years of life childish bones and muscles of the spine develop unsteadily. Great effects on this has lifestyle of pregnant woman - contagious diseases, medications, smoking, alcohol may provoke various pathologies.

Baby stays in tipped position in mother's placenta during whole antenatal period, and keeps it at first weeks of his life. At the beginning, spine forms from cartilages and by the moment of birth the proportion between young bones and cartilaginous tissues is equal. Gradually bone tissue replaces  cartilaginous tissue, and by 14 years old child's spine consists of bones. Cartilaginous tissue in spine prevents child from learning simple skills. During one month baby learns to hold his head up, and only in 5 – 6 months makes first attempts to independent sitting and crawling. To make listed actions, child puts much more efforts than an adult because his muscles are too weak. Therefore baby must lead an active lifestyle, play special games directed on strengthening of various muscle groups.

Most important time of spine grow is first year of baby life. Spine grows rapidly (20cm in a year) and during first 12 – 18 months occurs formation of physiological curve of the spine. At this time it is necessary to control posture of your child because germs of scoliosis, rickets and other spine deformations acquired in childhood would hardly be improved in future. 

Period between 5 – 8 years old is very important time of muscle development and spine bones grow. At this time child goes to school.

Most schoolchildren find it uncomfortable to sit at the desk with straight spine, however, they spend a lot of time  in semiflexed position. Weak childish spine gets used to such position very rapidly. Childish scoliosis occupies leading positions in the list of causes which make parents go to orthopaedist. Therefore, it is very important  at the beginning of child's education to learn him to keep his posture straight and not to hunch.

Never forget about sport. Physical activity helps to strengthen muscular system and to improve immunity. For correct posture it is good to occupy with swimming, volleyball, basketball, gymnastics, skiing and skating. It is necessary to see orthopaedist regularly. Buy orthopaedic mattress as correct posture of spine is important also during sleep.

Scoliosis is a spine deviation from straight posture. You can recognize it all alone. Most evident signs of scoliosis: position of shoulders and shoulder blades at different levels, curved pelvis, soles of footwear inequally down-at-heal, bent of body or head to one side. After recognition of these signs you should go to the specialist. Never try to treat scoliosis all alone. Only specialist will prescribe right treatment. Never leave this disease untreated, because scoliosis may cause cardio-vascular diseases, gastrointestinal diseases and even pathologies in brain developing.

The Relationship Between Parents and Children

  Everyone heard phrase “Children always remain children for their parents”.  It is really so? Are children really children for their parents for the whole life? When children are small they need parental care and attention as they don't know what life is.

They cannot eat, drink, dress, go to the toilette all alone, parents should explain lots of new things, for example, that children must not fish hooks into socket and never strangle a kitty. To blend in life children need most experienced person which would guide and learn them.

When a child goes to school without knowing how to tie his shoelaces, it raises laugher in classmates and generally affects him negatively. It is bad because parents controlled child all the time and never allowed him to approve himself even when the talk was about tying his shoelaces.

When child being in seven form cannot prepare breakfast for himself and is waiting while parents would do that for him, it would never do because child would be poorly prepared for the future life. Probably, it is not difficult for parents to prepare breakfast for their children, but parents should understand that it is better to learn children do it all alone in order to not fit him to careless. Child must learn to do these things, though it would be  difficult and even stressful for him as he used to not take care about them before.

All big things start from little ones. At this stage parents should give their children more freedom to take care of themselves. Parents should allow children to learn and to make mistakes. Sure, it is easier to make everything quickly and perfectly than to let child do it slowly and not correctly, but it would never do for his growth. Otherwise parents would tie children to them. As a result children would always advice with parents, tell them everything, depend on them and their opinion. Child would reach 20, 30, 30, 40 years but he will remain a child not able to take decisions by himself.

Children are always children for their parents, but the relationship between them changes with time. First these are instructions and control, but with age it must transform just into advice. As a result, parents and children in adult age would have friendly relationship. Sure child will remain child, but parental care now should show differently. It is not about making breakfasts but about support and understanding.